Cakes, art, birthdays, icing, architecture figures and murders – The Bridge had an impact, I’m sure

It’s official, I am a little bit crazy, but that’s fine, because it allows me to make fun things, like baking mad cakes and writing bonkers stories to go with them them.

So the backstory is simple – Pete, the husband of my bestest friend Wendy since our schooldays – was celebrating his 60^th birthday. No big deal really, except I had no idea what to buy him. So I made him a cake.

Those who know me well will know my cakes can be erm, unusual. It all began with a Postman Pat cake when my son was about 1 (now 33).

In the past they have included a caravan for my son; a tray with a mug of tea and books and cake – for my writer sister; a pair of rugby boots (life size), for my ex-husband’s friends birthday; a stack of £20 notes – ditto; a topless woman in a Greek boat for Wendy; a 40 naked men cake, complete with 80 testicles, for my friend Bronny; a Gremlin cake; and no end of others…..

(Note: the images linked are not my cakes, I do have photos but that would mean delving deep into the family archives!)

But this cake, The Lawnmower Man from West Bridgford is an absolute first. It is a cake AND a story. People often ask me why, as someone with an MA in Fine Art, I don’t make artworks any more. Well, maybe I do.

Here it is, my first ever Story of Cake – and I suspect there will be many more to come – especially if anyone wants to commission some!

The Lawnmower Man of West Bridgford

The eccentric Dr. Lawrence Angelo puts mentally disabled landscaper Peter Triffitt on a regimen of experimental pills and computer-simulated training sequences in hopes of augmenting the man’s intelligence. In time Pete becomes noticeably brighter and also begins to fare much better with the opposite sex. But, as he develops psychic powers, he realizes that those around him have taken advantage of his simplicity his whole life, and he plots a bloody revenge. (Sorry, ripped off the synopsis for Lawnmower Man, read the real one here)

The experimental pills had seriously damaged his mind – they had been administered by dissolving them in Sauvignon Blanc, and he drank copious amounts of it. It turned out that as well as being super attractive to the opposite sex, he also found that his psychic powers not only work on women, they also have a profound effect on his vegetable garden and the pets he keeps.. His prize vegetables were fantastic. They got bigger and bigger and soon his garden was really too small to contain them. But he carried on mowing his lawns and deadheading his flowers, hoping soon things will return to normal. The pets got bigger and bigger.

Pete had always loved gardening, enjoyed the simple things in life, but since these odd things had started happening, he began to think that most people he knew were not to be trusted.

“Hmmm, if I can use my psychic powers to make things grow bigger, maybe I could do the reverse, and seek revenge on those that have abused me?”

A lot of people had upset him in the past, so he sat down and made a list of them – there were 60 altogether. That’s a lot of people to sort out. He decided as it would soon be his 60^th birthday, that seemed like the date to do it.

There were those cool people that teased him, hipsters, they always wore bright lime green clothes, sunglasses and trousers hanging low off their hips, swaggering around, he hated them. And those silly beards! Then there were all the medical people, the ones who kept saying he was still mentally ill…ha, not the case now, not with these superpowers!

Those groups that wore hi-viz clothes were particularly irritating – all posers, in their tight fitting tops and Lycra shorts. They moved around in big groups, jogging together in a cloud in the park, or cycling in clusters, blocking the roadway for car drivers. Darned irritating people.

How could he revenge them for their tormenting ways? He decided to invite them to walk through his garden. He’d seen the impact giant rabbits can have on people in films, such as Donnie Darko and Harvey, his white rabbit was getting bigger by the day and would scare them witless! And the duck had grown enormous! The dog barked at it constantly, as it watched the piranhas in the pond, wondering if it dare take a risk and get in.

It would be like Gullivers Travels. He’d try and keep them on a path, a bit like keeping people in their cars in safari parks, but he had no idea whether that would work. He just wanted to scare them.

So the big day came and he left the gates open and watched the groups of people wander in, not sure what to expect. Maybe a birthday party? He knew hedidn’t want to meet these awful people, so he decided to watch them from above, by flying his drone camera overhead. When he saw how tiny they looked in his magical garden, he was delighted. They were little more than ants.

This is what he saw:

But what is that in the middle? It looks like someone lying on the ground, surrounded by the medics. He zoomed in closer….

and closer still….

Who is it? What has happened?

You’ll have to wait to find out……..or provide an end to the story yourself….pop it into the comments below…or make a cake yourself to show the next episode – The Bridge? Eat your heart out!! (tee hee)

Enjoy the cake!!!

 (C) Carolyn Black. 19 December 2015               Happy 60^th Birthday Pete x